Accidents Happen!

Accidents Happen!
Current mood: uncomfortable

There was a super-nasty accident in the Medical/Dental Building parking lot today. That's the building directly west of my office on 6th and Pine. I guess there were 2 people literally mangled in between 2 cars. The rear car apparently hit the acceleration rather than the brake. (Makes my spine tingle!) As I walked by, I saw one of the women being carried out on a stretcher. Her hip bone was sticking off the side of the stretcher. This is one of the nastiest things I think I've ever seen in person. It's burned into my mind right now the way you get sunspots after you look at the sun.

As with everything, I tend to dig a little deeper. I am not a huge fan of outrightly violent movies, but some of my close friends absolutely live for the stuff. Our culture in general is very attuned to and desensitized to violence. (And strangely puritanical about a couple of things I happen to like a lot---sex and nudity!) I noticed that other passersby were not nearly as shocked and concerned as I'd become. There were a few exceptions, of course. But in general it was business as usual.

Does this mean I need to go out and buy a TV and tune in to CSI, etc., like the rest of the country? Should I quit with the obscure documentaries and artsy-fartsy story-based indie films; and seek out blood-and-guts action instead? (I did, after all, check out SoaP last weekend, although that was more of a comedy...)

I just dunno. Today's social mores seem to indicate that my skin is not thick enough, if a little bloody exposed hip bone wigs me out. Sensitivity is not a good trait to carry into the 21st century, it seems. Yet I can't stop thinking about these 2 poor people. I wonder how civilians in Iraq and Lebanon (not to mention the Congo, again, and Darfur) deal with the constant blood and gore they are surrounded with every day.

On a side note, I've never been more pleased with the fact that I don't own a car. Destructive machines, those.

Currently listening :
The Age of Plastic
By The Buggles
Release date: 15 June, 1990

Obligatory Sports Post

Obligatory Sports Post
Current mood: disappointed

OK, I just have to say it.

The Mariners officially suck. Thanks for getting my hopes all up, guys, and then proceeding to play like they couldn't beat my grandma's softball team for the past 2 weeks... Can't believe I thought we had a chance at the playoffs. Either suck, or be good, but stop jerking us around! I'd be fired from my job if I was that inconsistent.

OK, that's it. Had to get it off my chest. Back to your regularly scheduled existential blogs and survey bulletins.

Currently listening :
Power, Corruption & Lies
By New Order
Release date: 25 October, 1990

The Price of Commerce

The Price of Commerce
Current mood: hungry

I love living next to the Pike Place Market. It's important to me to support local farmers. I love handing them my cash, having them make me change from the pouches on their belts, and the general old-fashioned form of free market capitalism on a very small scale.

Plus, I swear to Whomever that it tastes better. Safeway peppers are all slimy and obnoxiously large. The peppers at the market are fresh, crisp, and full of flavor. The guy who runs the organic stand is like an old friend of mine now. When I walk by, he always shouts out a recommendation to me, knowing that I'll take it straight home into some random concoction for the evening. I give him my feedback, and he passes it along to the farmers.

I wish I could participate more in small-scale commerce. Living in a major city makes that difficult, although recently I have begun to support small internet businesses, which you can do from anywhere. But at least the market is always there for me, and I don't have to pay some suit a percentage of my food budget.

Currently listening :
Dare!
By The Human League
Release date: 16 September, 1997

Sweet Freedom; Or, How the Helper Remembered to Help Himself

Sweet Freedom; Or, How The Helper Remembered To Help Himself
Current mood: optimistic

I've been single for almost a month now, and can I just say folks, the feeling is great. It's amazing how much of myself I've lost over the past couple of years. Not just in this last relationship, but in the grey area that existed before it, the part of my mind that allowed me to bury so much of myself for what I thought was the better overall good.

I am a very generous and giving person. It's a part of my personality I believe I developed especially because of my stepdad, who is one of the most selfless and caring people I have ever known. He is the type of person who is more concerned with how he can make people around him happy, and he often forgets to keep an eye out for himself. When I was a kid, I can recall many times when I'd have to say something specific to him to make sure he was thinking of himself and not just the group. For someone so conservative and oriented towards free-market philosophy, this was an awfully communistic personality trait for him to display. I will always respect him, for everything he is, but especially for that. It's humbling to have been raised by such a giving person, and I'm lucky.

I tend to express these same sorts of selfless feelings in relationships. I forget about myself in order to make sure the other person is always comfortable. This became a huge problem in this last relationship. She was an extremely selfish person, almost negatively so. I often felt neglected and forgotten about, and definitely thought of it as a one-sided relationship after a while. My support was important and integral to her, but I didn't get much in return.

Now, I'm not the type of person to just stay in a bad situation. But, she had been struggling with some serious and difficult mental problems for some time. I was able to deal with the one-sided-ness, thinking all the while that it wasn't her fault and that things would get better eventually. And during the times when she was normal, I was happy around her.

But those happy times began to get very few and far inbetween. And things never did get better, although I respect her for trying. Suffice it to say that now we are no longer together, I am rediscovering myself and who I really am. There were parts of my personality that I loved, and had forgotten about, with my mental energy focused elsewhere. But certain things that were buried are starting to float back up to the surface. It's kinda fun remembering some of things I used to enjoy, and realizing that I still enjoy them. No wonder when we were together all I wanted to do was watch TV and play video games. My creativity, lust for life, and spontaneity were gone, buried deep down under the daily burden of being there for her.

The past month has been incredible, and the pain didn't take very long to melt away. After seeing how much I'd forgotten about myself, I started to realize that there wasn't much to mourn. And it's been fabulous to just be selfish for a little while. I'm not sure whether or not I want to get back into another relationship at this point, but when I do, I won't settle for anything less than 50-50. That's the way it should be, and I won't compromise again, for ANY reason.

Currently listening :
The Legend of Johnny Cash
By Johnny Cash
Release date: 25 October, 2005

Budget Stay in NYC

Budget Stay in NYC
Current mood: curious

So I'll be in NYC next month and would love to stay on a budget. Who's got tips? Sure, sure, I can "google it," just like I can google that naked photo of your aunt Josephina, but one tends to prefer an honest recommendation from the lips of a trusted friend. I'm cool with hostels and the like.

Currently listening :
English Settlement
By XTC
Release date: 25 June, 2002

The Borg
Current mood: quixotic

I'm seeing more and more people out on the street with the little bluetooth cellphone adapters that fit in the ear. All I can think of is the Borg! These people crack me up. They walk around talking to thin air like it's no big deal. I catch the funniest sayings from people here and there. That is, when I don't have my super-duper noise canceling headphones plugged deep into my ears, pumping deep electro bass into my soul.

I think of it on a grander scale, though. It would be funny to go back a couple hundred years and see what sorts of things you had in your pockets and on your person back then. Probably things more suited towards survival and safety. It's interesting how things have changed. The things we carry around now don't serve much practical use. They are luxury items that we've become accustomed to. I sure as hell am not gonna leave my Ipod at home! Talk about the end of the world!

Resistance is indeed futile.

Currently listening :
The Pink Opaque
By Cocteau Twins
Release date: 02 February, 1999